well, i guess i did something. i did join a gym today AND i got a personal trainer. it's right down the road and i got the student special....i faked being in college for the deal, but i'm over it. my first session is on tuesday night and i'm really excited for it! we're only meeting once a week for 5 weeks, but i think it's exactly what i need. once i actually get to the gym, i can do just about anything, but i want to know that i'm doing exactly everything correct to lose this weight once and for all. when i was signing up, the dude goes, "do you have a preference for a man or woman" and i said "i just need someone to kick my ass" and he goes "i've got the perfect person in mind for you." her name is shannon, and i'm expecting to see this ripped, spunky, tiny, tan, blonde girl, probably in her mid-twenties. so we'll see how accurate i am at 7:30pm. i can't wait to start this process -- i went grocery shopping today and bought plenty of food to pack awesome lunches, and now that i've got the same schedule every single day, i think routine will be helpful. i'm still trying to figure out how much sleep i need to feel good in the morning.
my invisalign is tuesday morning, and i'm reeeeeeeally excited about that. i've been scoping out blogs online and reading about other peoples experiences and i can't wait to see how long it'll take to straighten these puppies out. i'm a little nervous to know how much it'll cost, but again, it's just something i need to do for myself.
i'm just trying to figure out how to be happy -- i think losing weight and straightening my snaggles will help. i want to be pretty. i don't want to known as the funny girl. i want to be known as someone with pretty eyes. or a cute nose. or a nice smile. call me vain, but no one has ever told me i was beautiful or pretty or anything else nice that would complement my actual physical attributes -- because i'm fat. but i'm changing that now. and i know it's going to be a long road and a hard process. but this is the right time in my life now. i really have no excuses at all. i've got plenty of time to give to hard work. i want big results. i want to be the person where under my picture, it says 'results not typical' because i've pushed so hard and sacrificed everything. some day, things will come together and karma will finally be nice to me. i deserve to happy at some point in my life, right? i don't know why either, but i keep thinking about going back to church. i don't know why, because the church goes against most of what i think and believe, but it's still in the back of my mind.
david's last day was friday, and it just plain sucks. he's going to be awesome in cali and he's got a great opportunity. but it's going to be so quiet and boring at the office. but, dee's got the right idea, and we just need to stay positive and just laugh off the small stuff. i need to constantly remind myself that by staying there, i get to live with my friends still, i'm getting paid well and i can get out of debt, i've got good health benefits, and i am getting good experience that will look great on my resume. next week is going to be brutal -- i've already got like 7 hours of meetings scheduled, plus i have a million things that need to get sent to the printer and with it being a short week, it really puts the pressure on everyone involved, but mostly me.
haha. that makes me laugh.
sidenote: i really really really want to go camping so bad. and i also want a nintendo ds. the commercials make them look like fun. and i need to find a library, because i want to start reading more.
and, i found this quote today and fell in love with it:
"Our deepest fear is not that we're inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond all measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world."
~Marianne Williamson
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