keeping cups on my desk has ruined my life.

ot always seriously creeps me out when i see a postcard i could have posted myself. i wish someone could give be reason to believe otherwise:

i honestly haven't felt more hatred for my dad as i recently have, as of the last week. especially when i found out from my sister that my mom wanted to move out-- thats when i wanted to shank him most. and thats why i refuse to let down my walls and ever think that marriage is a thing for me-- because i dont want to be like my mom. i will ALWAYS be able to do what i want, go where i want, buy what i want...because i will NOT be controlled by a man.

uuuuuuuugh. i hate my life. also, i spilled water on my computer keyboard 2 days ago because i'm fucking retarded and probably wont have my nice macbook back for a week or two while it's getting fixed, so i'm subjected to shitty PC's while i'm home....and i wouldn't dare blog from work on my beautiful $5000 machine.

i know i shouldn't complain because nothing bad ever happens in my life...but i wish something really good happened. even if it was something like, once in ten years something good happens. i feel like i've been waiting 22 years for that something...

...and people wonder why i've given up on humanity.....

So how much anti-gravity potion do you want?

i'm going to go ahead and say it, when my roommates aren't home, my social life takes a severe nose dive. last night, i fell asleep on the couch at 10:30pm, woke up around 4am, and then went to my bed, and then slept until 10am. so that was an exciting friday night. i've also done nothing today -- except nap on and off all day. and watching every show on HGTV. you know you're getting old when you enjoy HGTV.

well, i guess i did something. i did join a gym today AND i got a personal trainer. it's right down the road and i got the student special....i faked being in college for the deal, but i'm over it. my first session is on tuesday night and i'm really excited for it! we're only meeting once a week for 5 weeks, but i think it's exactly what i need. once i actually get to the gym, i can do just about anything, but i want to know that i'm doing exactly everything correct to lose this weight once and for all. when i was signing up, the dude goes, "do you have a preference for a man or woman" and i said "i just need someone to kick my ass" and he goes "i've got the perfect person in mind for you." her name is shannon, and i'm expecting to see this ripped, spunky, tiny, tan, blonde girl, probably in her mid-twenties. so we'll see how accurate i am at 7:30pm. i can't wait to start this process -- i went grocery shopping today and bought plenty of food to pack awesome lunches, and now that i've got the same schedule every single day, i think routine will be helpful. i'm still trying to figure out how much sleep i need to feel good in the morning.

my invisalign is tuesday morning, and i'm reeeeeeeally excited about that. i've been scoping out blogs online and reading about other peoples experiences and i can't wait to see how long it'll take to straighten these puppies out. i'm a little nervous to know how much it'll cost, but again, it's just something i need to do for myself.

i'm just trying to figure out how to be happy -- i think losing weight and straightening my snaggles will help. i want to be pretty. i don't want to known as the funny girl. i want to be known as someone with pretty eyes. or a cute nose. or a nice smile. call me vain, but no one has ever told me i was beautiful or pretty or anything else nice that would complement my actual physical attributes -- because i'm fat. but i'm changing that now. and i know it's going to be a long road and a hard process. but this is the right time in my life now. i really have no excuses at all. i've got plenty of time to give to hard work. i want big results. i want to be the person where under my picture, it says 'results not typical' because i've pushed so hard and sacrificed everything. some day, things will come together and karma will finally be nice to me. i deserve to happy at some point in my life, right? i don't know why either, but i keep thinking about going back to church. i don't know why, because the church goes against most of what i think and believe, but it's still in the back of my mind.

david's last day was friday, and it just plain sucks. he's going to be awesome in cali and he's got a great opportunity. but it's going to be so quiet and boring at the office. but, dee's got the right idea, and we just need to stay positive and just laugh off the small stuff. i need to constantly remind myself that by staying there, i get to live with my friends still, i'm getting paid well and i can get out of debt, i've got good health benefits, and i am getting good experience that will look great on my resume. next week is going to be brutal -- i've already got like 7 hours of meetings scheduled, plus i have a million things that need to get sent to the printer and with it being a short week, it really puts the pressure on everyone involved, but mostly me.

haha. that makes me laugh.


sidenote: i really really really want to go camping so bad. and i also want a nintendo ds. the commercials make them look like fun. and i need to find a library, because i want to start reading more.

and, i found this quote today and fell in love with it:

"Our deepest fear is not that we're inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond all measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world."

~Marianne Williamson

you may say i'm a dreamer, but i'm not the only one

i finally feel like i'm starting to adjust into working full time. and i feel like things are feeling a little easier at work now that i'm there every day. i'm pretty excited to move into our new space on the first floor. i'll have a window, and even though i'll be sharing my office with the new guy, i met him today and he seems nice enough, even though he's so incredibly under qualified for the job. he doesn't even know how to use basic office computer software, let alone learn everything there is to learn about medicare part d. come june or july, it'll be interesting to see how hard the shit has hit the fans since david will be gone after friday :*( i'm hoping to get approval so i can paint an accent wall like green or orange to bring some life into the space. it's weird though...i get home at like 6-6:30, eat dinner, and then just watch tv alllll night. and then i go to bed and start over. it's pretty boring, but thats apparently my life forever.

i ended up with a d+ in illustration, so that counts towards my requirements...and i still managed to have a 3.2 gpa for the semester, so suck it vlada, ya sack of shit. speaking of school...i'm done FOREVER and it feels nice. i'm sure it won't actually set in until the fall when everyone else goes back to classes and i'm still working. graduation weekend was nice though. colleen and mark and the girls came in from michigan and brian endured a tortuous 10 hour car ride with my parents just for me :) it was a super busy weekend -- we had to pack up the wickliffe house and i've still got some stuff in the basement, but the rest is completely empty. my parents have some people they know that might be moving in and renting it out for a while. but it was nice to hang out with my siblings because they're so super cool. i'm lucky to have such a great relationship with them all. and that we've all concluded that my poor mother has to deal with my psycho dad. i know everyone thinks i'm being over dramatic when i say i don't want to get married [mostly because i think finding someone to love forever (and be loved) is the most absurd thing ever] but seriously watching them be together makes me never want to get married for real. and i honestly think the only reason why they're still married is because my mom hasn't ever been independent enough [financially or emotionally] to just say 'fuck it' and go out on her own. and i don't ever want to be put in that situation. so by having this wall up, i know i won't have to deal with that.

i'm SOOOOOOO excited for my invisalign consult next tuesday morning. more than anything else in my life, i have wanted nice straight teeth. seriously, since like middle school, i've wanted to be snaggle-less. but my parents think i'm a giant joke and waste of space and didn't feel like i was a good enough reason to spend the money. because my happiness is [and hasn't ever] been a big deal to them. but now i get to control what goes on in my life and i couldn't be happier. i'm also joining fitness 19 on thursday and i can't wait to start working out. i'm just itching to get up and have activity in my life at work. so i'm feeling good about it.

apartment hunting is starting to stress me out. sam, charlotte and i have such high standards, and then we're trying to find a central location for us, and we all have conflicting schedules....it's reeeeally tough. but it'll somehow all work out. it always does.

friday i get my first big girl paycheck!! i can't wait to go shopping. i NEED new shoes :)

and i'm a little embarrassed to say this, but i'm watching the american idol finale...and i kind of wished i would have watched it the whole time. the two finalists are SOOO good. i'd at least pirate their cds :)

the scene changes, rearranges.

ah yesterday....it was a big day in my life....and i'm not sure how i feel about it.

firstly, last day of classes. EVER. and it was illustration. and my teacher still managed to be a giant douche. 15 weeks straight of pure douchery. but i typed up my evaluation of him earlier in the semester so i made sure to have it printed out and i slid that bitch into the folder. it was good closure. my projects came out a little bit better than i expected, and well, quite frankly, i just need a D- to pass. and i've never been one to settle for such a low grade. but that class pretty much sucked the life out of me and i hated every single second i was in there....minus all the amazing conversations i had with kirk and nate. thank the lord they were in that class because i really would have died without them. my summer project is to retrieve all my saved chat logs with them and creating a blurb book. it's going to be so freaking amazing. probably better than the actual work i produced in the class. haha. after grades are posted, i'll be sure to post that evaluation. ya never know what people will find on the internet....

oh, and i accepted a job offer at MH [or technically UA], so it looks like i'll be staying around for a little bit longer. but its ok because i'm not really ready to leave my friends behind because they're so amazing. i would die a little inside if i couldn't have them in my life. and i know we're all growing up or whatever and have busy schedules but it'll be easier to plan thing when i only live 15 miles away instead of 500. i'm a little nervous. and by little, i mean a LOT nervous. shelley's last day in the office is may 16, so that means i'll basically be handling most of what goes on in the office and that makes me terrified. especially because everything is also done so ass backwards and 27 people always get involved when it can be taken care of with like 4 and the busy season is approaching and it's just going to be nuts. and i'll be salary, so no overtime for this girl. i do however, get 13 days PTO and according to my mom, all of my health/dental/vision benefits are really good. and lord knows i'll need them. and i know i bitch a lot about my job, but i really am grateful to have a job with a very good salary for an entry level designer straight out of college, especially because some of my friends aren't as lucky. and 2 years ago, when i was thinking about the job market, i was expecting to be making about 14K less than i am. so i know i'll be able to at least live comfortably.

And....finally bought my cap and gown yesterday. so this whole graduation thing is so for real right now, it's apeshit crazy. and my tassle is brown. like, dog shit brown. whoever decided to give the creative people a brown tassle should eat shit. because i wanted something cool and vibrant like crimson or magenta or orange or something other than BROWN.

in less than 7 days i'll be an alum. god help me now. my oh so pathetic life is about to begin. i'm trying to think of really cool things i want to do this summer, which i'll probably inevitably be doing alone, because thats the story of my life [and everyone else has their boyfriends/dates to be with]...but i think that way if i have cool stuff to do on the weekends, it'll help the work week go better when i have something to look forward to. a brief rundown of what i can think of right now that i want to do[weekend ideas and other random things to make me not want to kill myself]:
- an over night white water rafting trip.
- a day at cedar point
- camping for a weekend with a big group of people
- learn to golf...or at least try out a driving range
- sky dive
- learn about the stock market and start investing my money [exciting, i know]
- get some real freelance work
- go on nice 3 or 4 vacation...like to vegas again or maybe a cruise.
- weekend trips to visit my siblings in all of their locations [colorado, NYC, grand rapids] and a better attempt at seeing craig and jen because they live so close, even if it's just meeting up for dinner after work or something simple like that.
- look into finding a personal trainer because i think thats my only solution at this point.
- learn to cook better food than just eating a can of soup or lean cuisines and shit like that.
- i need to seriously figure out how to meet straight single men. i'm not into the whole marriage idea [because i want to be able to do the things i want to do, or just anything that i've observed for the last 22 years of what happens when you get married,etc] and definitely NO children ever. but i'm thinking i want more than a cat to come home to every night.

i wish the rain would go away....but i'm thinking tonight is going to be AMAZING regardless. i'm going to be paparazzi so it'll be fun. i need all the pictures i can get to remember the last house party i'll attend as a college student. oh my god, i'm getting pathetic again...

is it so wrong to crave recognition?

ugh, i'm so bored with my life. in a little over a week, i'm going to be a graduate, and my life is going to consist of waking up [presumably late and tired] and going to work, working all day at my job which i hate, coming home, eating dinner, and repeating. seriously, whats the point of life?

and i'm currently in love with this song: the prayer by bloc party


Is it so wrong to crave recognition?
Second best, runner-up
Is it so wrong to want rewarding?
To want more than is given to you
Than is given to you

Tonight, make me unstoppable
And I will charm, I will slice
I will dazzle them with my wit
Tonight, make me unstoppable
And I will charm, I will slice
I will dazzle, I will outshine them all

in better news, my website is officially launched!
www.naomiksnook.com

i <3 post secrets.

i swear i didn't send this in...
and this was the comment beneath it: "Your father's success was raising four children who can think for themselves."


so weird how post secrets relates on so many different levels of my life. funny though, that my dad has NO idea we've given up on christianity. but i do love the comment that was left.

i'm almost an akron alum. yikes.

one week of classes, a couple of finals...and then GRADUATION!!!

last night was my BFA show :) (http://art.uakron.edu/workspace/flvs/index) and for the first time in a really long time, i felt proud of myself. i couldn't help but just smile on my drive home because i've done it. i've spent 4 years in art school and my work is being displayed in a gallery....the final requirement for graduation and i've completed it. and people looked at my work. and it makes me happy. and my parents came [and brought me beer...and it was awesome!!] and i didn't even really invite the sloots because i figured they had other stuff to do...and even they came. and i felt so special. :)

now i just have to whip up 2 illustration books tomorrow for mondays class. and launch my website at some point this week. and create the rebranding and packaging design for a product and then i'm really done. it's so bizarre. this month has flown by. this semester is a blur. the last 4 years are a blur, but they've somehow managed to be the best 4 years of my life.

i want to take a vacation. i've especially been thinking a cruise...not that i have money for anything right now....but i want to just sit and relax in the sun and not have to worry about a single thing in the world.

i wish jack's mannequin would release a fucking single already...atleast on myspace. i just NEED to hear new music...and i can't wait much longer for the new album.

the new chat feature on facebook might be the coolest thing ever. i love it.

and i also love this: